From 24 to 30 and Beyond!

When I converse with people who belong to the age bracket of 18 to 24 years; it appears to me that we come from different planets altogether! I have heard about the book, “Men are from Mars-Women are from Venus”.  I now sincerely feel that the time is ripe to write a sequel, “18 to 24 years old are from Mercury whereas the 30+ year’s lot are from Pluto”!  How does life alter so fundamentally within a span of less than a decade? Why am I plagued with a feeling that we are different species altogether? Am I losing my sense of empathy? 

Why do I feel as if I never really was a 24 year old and was always beset with the same set of issues that typically plagues a 30 year old! You don’t even realize how EMI issue becomes more serious than boyfriend issue? It appears as if in a blink of an eye, the problem of buying a house at the age of 30 is certainly far more complicated than the problem of finding a decent well-paying job at the age of 24! What is more difficult? The challenges of starting a family at the age of 30 or the burden of kick starting your career at the age of 24?

In the age gap of 18 to 24, the question of “What next?” doesn’t bother you for the simple reason that the agenda is categorically chalked out for you by your friends and family in the form of a fixed 5 year plan! You literally have a list to cross! Complete your studies-Check! Find a job-Check! Find a decent set of people to socialize-Check! Find a mate to settle down-Check! You are so busy checking the check list to which you attach so much of importance that you end up presuming that your check list has pushed you into the most challenging phase of life.  What could be more challenging than the task of burning mid-night oil in the race of clearing your exams after exams for eventually obtaining your divine degree that would act as a magical key that would open the lock of your destiny and let you in the house of rocking career and financial stability? What would be more painful than the bleeding heart which is forced to tread across the treacherous path of broken relationships? Is there anything more taxing than the unending attempts of finding just the right kind of job that would act as the best launching pad?

Just when you are busy crossing the milestones from 18 to 24 after silently patting yourself on the back for having checked all the items in the “To do list”; you are hardly ready for what lays in store ahead! You have no idea that your time-travelled self has zoomed past into the future and is standing at the gate with a sign of “Welcome to the real world-Your journey has just began, please tighten the seat belt of responsibility and courage, for you are about to take the journey of never ending expectations, both internal and external!”  The feeling of growing up all of a sudden and being solely accountable for all your deeds and actions is scary indeed! In retrospect, you start thinking, what was I fretting and fuming for? Was getting the degree really that difficult? Why on earth was I making a big deal of my broken relationships? Am I not tackling far bigger challenges now? How stupid and naïve was I! How I blew things out of proportion! How I made a big deal out of every little thing which did not really mattered in the long run!

This thought process now sets me thinking. In retrospect, if I find the typical problems of a 24 year old as are less complicated in comparison to what plagues a 30 year old; will I belittle the problems that I face now when I turn 40? At the age of 40, in retrospect, will I reach a conclusion that all my worries were uncalled for? That the issues besetting me at 30 were non-issues really? That I shouldn't have made a big deal out of it?  How I wish I could time travel backwards and comfort my former self that it was pointless to be anxious, that it was meaningless to magnify problems’ that this was just a phase which would get over!

I cannot take a backward journey in time but at this juncture, especially when I am conscious of the fact that my current issues would lose its value and gravity over the course of the next decade, I can certainly decide to relax, to let go off, to calm down as nothing really matters in the larger schemes of things other than peace of mind. And is this realization not what growing up all about?

And if you fail to realize this, you shall forever be stuck at 24! The choice is yours!

Certainty Versus Uncertainty

Our expectations from life are so full of contradictions! Our nature is so dichotomous! Our habits are so uneven. At times, we want life to be full of adventure, replete with pleasant surprises, catching us unaware  like a cute child hidden behind a curtain who startles us by suddenly jumping in front of us. At other times, we want our lives to be as predictable and certain as day following night and seasons changing in the same rhythm over the course of its immortal existence. These inherent contradictions in our expectations create a tug of war between the contradictory expectations of our heart that are at daggers with each other all the time.

In the backdrop of certain and static patterns of life, why do we chase uncertainty?  The fact of birth and death is certain! The fact of ageing is certain! The fact of the cycle of gain and loss; joy and sorrow, success and failure, are nothing but the most unchangeable and predictable parameters of existence. Does that make us chase uncertainty? Is it because there is too much of certainty in the larger schemes of thing? Is it because we subconsciously feel that destiny or providence has given us a fixed frame of reference and we have little choice but to act and behave and choose within that frame of reference. Is this the reason why in certain corner of our heart we constantly endeavour to break ourselves free of this presumably monotonous existence?  Is the charm and craving for uncertainty and adventure nothing but a subconscious revolt against providence? Is it an attempt to break ourselves loose from the clutches of cyclic patterns of our existence? Do we chase uncertainty in the vain attempt of giving a new interpretation to the predictable patterns of the universe? Why do we seek entertainment? Why do we love to travel? Why do we like reading books, watching movies, seeing plays that are full of twists and turns? Why do we leave a well-paying job at regular interval and take up new job which becomes equally monotonous after a point of time? Why do we seek new relationships? Why do we yearn for thrill and passion in our romantic relationships as against peace and certainty? This is for the simple reason that human soul feels like a caged bird that is forced to flutter within the four corners of its caged existence. We end up reducing human life to an endless attempt at escaping this supposedly caged existence. In our attempt at chasing uncertainty, we more often than not fail to discover the true meaning of our existence. We fail to delve into the deeper beings and discover the truth behind our existence.  We try breaking the imaginary circle of certainty and end up getting entrenched in the circle of illusions and disappointment. The ceaseless pursuit of uncertainty leads to the spinning of the web of sorrow. 

On the other hand, more often than not, when things become unpredictable and uncertain, we crave and yearn for predictability and certainty. When the ceaseless cycle of hard circumstances assumes the dimension of a monstrous wave and whirls us back and forth against the pain of rock; all that we care for, all that we want like a lost child is the predictable and certain circumstances that has the effect of the  peace and comfort of the bosom of mother! Why do we search our future in the stars? Why do we chase astrologers? Why do we read a person’s star sign either prior to or after meeting that person? Many a times, we like to be with the same set of people socially and professionally; we continue with the same job for years together, we follow the same transport route year after year, we follow the same routine, watch the same sitcoms, wear similar costumes without really experimenting with the latest fashion, celebrate the same occasions, visit the same holiday destination and end up behaving like a still water body which ends up rotting over the course of time.   We fear change and we consequently uncertainty and adventure ends up becoming our sworn enemy that haunts us every waking moment of our life! 

Why do we oscillate between clinging on to certainty and uncertainty?  Is it the consequence of the failure of human nature to accept what life offers or is it the outcome of the tumultuous nature of our expectations? In the process of giving our own interpretation to the life’s experiences; are we missing the larger picture? Are we failing to understand the lessons that the cyclic nature of certainty and uncertainty has to offer by interpreting it from our frame of reference and clinging on to it to our larger disadvantage?

Are there any certain answers to the above question? Do we seek any certain answers to it?  If you do have any answers, do share your thoughts!

The Intern

Saw Robert De Nero’s movie, “The Intern” today.  If I would start raving about how beautiful and well made the movie was; I would merely be repeating and echoing the same emotions as has been felt by millions of fans across the globe.  What the film reasserts is the power of a simple narrative to express complex emotions.  There is nothing complex about the story line. And that is the real beauty of the movie.   The multi layered human emotions can easily weave a confusing web that can leave one giddy if one attempts to entwine it.  Human equation is more often than not cast in the web of complexity. 

The role reversal in terms of the personal and professional life can further accelerate the confusion that overshadows this delicate equation.  The beauty of the plot lies in the fact that it set out an objective perspective in the form of the narrative of the old and wise intern.  The wise intern is like a guide post who silently and subtly nudges the protagonist to reflect upon her emotions, goals and aspirations.  The character of the intern to whom Robert De Nero has certainly done full justice is like an inner voice that helps the protagonist to do course correction at regular intervals.

In real life we may not have the privilege of having such a sagely Intern around us.  However, if we choose to listen to sound of our inner voice, we would certainly realize that we all have the privilege of having a guardian angel in the form of our inner voice, our gut feeling that refuses to leave our side come what may.  I believe that it is this inner voice, this gut feeling that plays the role of the sagely intern in our lives. Unfortunately, the constant clamour of every day existences pushes this inner voice into a dark and deep corner. If only we free ourselves from the clutches of this constant clamour and allow the inner voice to express itself, we would certainly find our intern that helps us get past the treacherous path of continuous hurt to the safe havens of peace and internal freedom.

Hope we learn to listen to the sound of our beautiful inner voice those servers as our selfless interns, if only we choose to listen!

The Other Daughter

Whilst the whole nation, it seems, has been caught unaware in the gory whirlpool of the Indrani Mukherjee’s spinning tale of the alleged crime of Filicide; one fails to notice that person who will, without an ounce of doubt, be drowned and sucked into the whirlpool of this bloody mess will be the second daughter of Indrani Mukherjees, namely Vidhi Khanna! While an ignorant viewer is busy absorbing the numerous twists and turns that leaves one with feeling giddy, to say the least; the ignorant viewer fails to notice Vidhi’s lot. Destiny, it seems, is in the process of extracting a very heavy price from Vidhi Khanna for having Indrani Mukherjee as her mother. Whilst any person is innocent, until proven guilty, despite of compelling evidence thus far, unlike a layman, I will not take the liberty of pronouncing Indrani Mukherjee guilty for the purpose of this write up. The evidence is yet to be appreciated by the court of law. However, having said that, in the context of Vidhi Khanna, the alleged act of Indrani Mukherjee is worth analysing.

Presuming if Indrani and her husband are pronounced as guilty eventually, she would not only be guilty of filicide in context of Sheena Bora but she would also be guilty of having committed a grievous crime against Vidhi; the crime of perpetually subjecting her to a deep sense of betrayal and loss, the depth and nature of which is difficult to gauge at this moment. Even though Vidhi is not to be held accountable or blamed for the crimes her parents have allegedly committed, it will be highly difficult, if not impossible, for her to come to terms with the fact that she is not liable to bear the cross of this social stigma; that she should not be made to pay the heavy price of perpetually lost social standing, honour and dignity on account of the crimes her parents have allegedly committed. However, this calls for a lot of rationalizing which will easily take a good amount of time, especially in light of the long drawn nature of the trial process per se.

The psychological impact of this crime will leave a scar on Vidhi’s heart and mind forever. It is difficult to imagine oneself in her situation. How would you feel if you discover that your parents have murdered your sibling whom you presumed to be your aunt all along? How would you feel if you discover that your parents’ life was just a façade, a charade, with multiple layers of lies, betrayals and fabrications at every step? How would you feel if you wake up one day only to read your mother having been labelled as an ambitious, vindictive, greedy, self-centred and murderous witch? What would you go through if both your parents are behind the bar and you are left dazzled and confused on account of numerous versions and counter versions of the alleged nature of their crime. It is difficult to answer all these questions. Vidhi is the best person to answer these questions!

It is worth viewing this video in which you see a clip of Vidhi attending Bandra Court:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2DKF9ziJ5A

The expression on Vidhi’s face when she is being let into the court room while simultaneously being pushed and shoved by reporters who are falling over each other to get her byte would certainly elicit pity if one looks at her without being prejudiced on account of her parent’s alleged acts. It is an expression which reflects fear, confusion and embarrassment e at the same time.

It is difficult to ascertain what remains in store for Vidhi. The path is certainly long and thorny. It is difficult to ascertain how she will handle this. The least that the media and society can do is not make her the scapegoat for she has a lot to handle already!

Random Rambling in the mysterious zone of heart

Two things are the biggest levellers (a) Death; and (b) True Love.  Death does not differentiate between the rich and poor, the wise and fool, the beautiful and ugly; so does true love! It simply doesn't differentiate!

Is the constant barrage of memory from the near and distant past a sign of unrequited love? Is there any healing for the wounds inflicted by the unanswered calls of heart? Or does it leave a permanent scar on one’s soul; so deep and so raw as if it were inflicted in the very moment.

What is the quality of true love? Does true love make you protective about your lover? I believe true love, in all shape and form; always have some degree of maternal qualities.

Does absolute, pure, unalloyed, pure and pulsating love exist only within the time frame of split second? Or can it continue for as long as the human heart continues beating tirelessly?

What is selfless love? Is it a reality or figment of one’s imagination? Is it the most beautiful state of mind or the most unjust? Does loving someone selflessly necessarily entail getting sucked into a downward spiral of self-coercion or is it the only way to liberating one-self from self-destruction?

Love is rather a simple phenomenon, the expectations and the consequent illusion makes it complicated.

Does selfless love makes one wise in the matter of heart and unwise otherwise?

The most beautiful quality about love is that it adds so many beautiful colours to the otherwise dreary existence; which, in the absence of love and the longings of heart, would be nothing but a long and dark hell-hole!

If true love is the sign of wise heart, how many millenniums will it take for human race to attain wisdom?

Does love liberates or enslaves? Depends on how selfless it is!

ALIEN'S JOURNEY...FROM US TO INDIA ;-)

ALIEN SPACESHIP DESCENDS IN THE  UNITED STATES OF AMERICA; SEEMS THE WORLD IS IN DANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OVER CAUTIOUS AND EDGY AMERICANS ON HIGH ALERT AFTER WITNESSING THE SPACESHIP OF BLOOD THIRSTY ALIENS DESCENDING ON THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. AMERICA ON HIGH ALERT

ALIENS UNLEASH THE FIRST ROUND OF ATTACK ON THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

EMERGENCY MEETING OF US PRESIDENT AND US ARMY TO TACKLE THE ALIEN ATTACK!! AMERICAN ARMY SUGGESTS CONSULTATION WITH PAKISTAN

EMERGENCY MEETING BETWEEN OBAMA AND NAWAZ SHARIF TO DISCUSS THE ALIEN ATTACK. SHARIF SUGGESTS DIVERTING ALIENS TO INDIA!!!

US FBI AGENT MEETS THE ALIEN LEADER AND ALLURES HIM TO ATTACK INDIA

ALIENS DELIBERATE INTERNALLY AND DECIDE TO ATTACK INDIA!!

ALIENS START THEIR JOURNEY TOWARDS INDIA

AND THEN SOMETHING MAGICAL HAPPENS!!!

JADU FALLS FROM THE ALIEN SHIP AND MEETS ROHIT!! 

JADU FALLS IN LOVE WITH ROHIT :-)

INDIANS AND ALIENS LIVE HAPPILY EVERY AFTER :-) ;-)

OBAMA IN A STATE OF SHOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Copying-the birth right of every Indian

“Please shift a little, I cannot see the answers” came the squeaky voice from behind which interrupted my train of thoughts. I turned back and gave an angry bird look to my friend who returned the angry bird look by venting his fury in hushed tone for me acting like a jerk and not showing the fill in the blank answers during our class 4 English exams! I am sure that he was cursing me under his breath! I am certain that he conferred the title of a back stabber in that very moment for me refusing to show the answers! I am certain that he would never forgive me for me having committed a mortal sin by violating his birth right of copying! After all it was just a couple of fill in the blanks! It would have fetched him 5 marks! 5 marks would push him successfully and help him cross the border of red line which segregated the fail and pass categories. 

After the exam, he met me and cast an accusing look at me. I returned the “accusing look” with the “what is my fault” look.  He soon beckoned all my other classmates who stood encircling me. I thanked my stars that we were in the classroom and not in the playground. Had that been the case, they surely would have pelted me! Before I could utter a word in my defence, one of my friends silenced me with stern look. The expression in his eye conveyed, “You have already committed blasphemy by refusing to show some stupid answers; now please do not commit yourself to hell forever by talking something stupid!”  Looking at this expression, I just shut my mouth and prepared myself to listen to an earful of reprimands! Little did I know that it would not be limited to earful of reprimand. On the contrary, I got a full-fledged sermon on my lack of virtue. This is the way it started,

Friend 1: Esha, you have let us down badly! What is the use of you being a bookworm if you cannot help us in the time of need!

Me: But why should i….

Friend 2: (Interrupting me halfway): How can we trust you? You are not there for us in time of need! You do not know what friendship is all about!

Me(Shocked): What? But…

Friend 3(Silencing me); Now do not pretend that you don’t know! You are very greedy! You want all marks by yourself and you do not want to share! You are violating all norms of decency! You are not helpful!

Me (Teary eyed):  Arre But…

Friend 4 (interrupting me again):  You think copying is a sin? Are you out of your mind? Who told you? Don’t know where you are learning this crap from!? Shameless creature!

Me; Speechless………………..

I was left confused and dazzled! The quest for scoring is genetically embedded in all of us! Whatever be the means! Whatever be the way!  It happens at every level of academic life. My husband, who did his masters from the US, says that the moment you are caught copying an assignment, you are debarred from the University and deported back to your country! Plagiarism is a taken very seriously and one has to pay a very big price for using unscrupulous means for fetching grades.  On the contrary, back home, it is very difficult for us to absorb why so much of fuss is made about plagiarism. There is a very famous term amongst engineering students “Chapna” which is translated as “printing” Engineering students’ chapofiy journals and assignments all the time! Now let us just not blame the poor engineering students. They go through enough tortures in the 4 years of their engineering school! We law students are no different! Or for that matter, the caste of students in general is no different! There isn’t an ounce of guilt in copying journals, assignments, answers or for that matter anything under the sun! No wonder, we love the feature of CUT/COPY AND PASTE the most!

Is Vyapam Scam, in which 36 people have lost their lives until date and thousands of people, including, doctors, judges, students, middleman, politician etc. are under scanner for having defrauded; a logical extension of the socially accepted norm of copying for the purpose of scoring? Think for yourself!

Facebookaria :-)

History has been an awestruck witness to the events and incidences that has affected her in ways she may have never contemplated in her unusually long and dreary life. History has been a silent companion of Hatshepsut, the charismatic queen of Egypt and Julius Caser, the mighty emperor of Rome who did great service to future writers by their very existence! Alexander walked down marauding from Europe in the west to India in the East and History could do nothing except for witnessing it silently.  History was delighted with the invention of wheel in its distant past and invention of electricity in the not so very distant past! History was aghast and battered with the invention of nuclear weapon! History was shocked and awed with the development in quantum physics! History, it seems, could never decode the reason why it was subjected to shock, awe, torture, wonderment, delight, dejection, excitement and rejection at regular intervals. It seems that God was preparing history to come to terms with

what it was going to witness in the 21st century! God was preparing History to deal with the mightiest virtual platform of the 21st century, namely, the FACEBOOK and its aftershocks! History saw Alexander, history befriended Akbar, History cradled Einstein but History,  it seems was certainly not prepared to handle Ashwin Alameda and his family, the self-appointed brand ambassador of FACEBOOK! 

Little did poor History know that it was easier to deal with Alexander’s ambition and Einstein’s eccentricity!  But Ashwin Alameda was at another level altogether! Nothing at all, no treacherous event, no unusual circumstances, and no eccentric personality would prepare history for what it was about to witness! Ashwin Alameda certainly opened one of the most entertaining and amusing chapter in the life of history, thanks to the new chapter being opened in the life of Ashwin Alameda by the heaven of virtual world, FACEBOOK!  Ashwin  Alameda or “AA” as he was fondly referred to by friends and foes alike, was in love with, besotted to, had a crush on, worshipped, was obsessed with, was enamoured with FACEBOOK! He had a temple in his house in which he kept a photo of Mark Zuccerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan! So enamoured was he with the virtual platform that his soul existed in the virtual world! To add to AA’s excitement, his wife, BA  (Bina Alameda) was another FACEBOOK enthusiast. His twin son’s CA (Chetan Alameda) and DA (Darshan Alameda) joined the game right from the time when they were foetuses on account of having a Facebook page dedicated to them right from the day when Bina Alameda missed her periods when she was  pregnant with CA and DA respectively.  AA’s typical day contained at least 200 status updates! It seemed that Ashwin was under some strange illusion that is particularly common among narcissists that their existence is the singularly most important event that has occurred in the history of mankind!  He suffered from a strange notion that the world would be at a loss if he did not make public the tiniest details of his life. His typical status updates on a regular day appeared like this:

“Feeling happy”….Just Woke up! Good Morning Mumbai!” [7:00am]

“Feeling disgusted”…Bina just farted. L L L [7:02am]

“Feeling loved”..CA and DA came running into my room and jumped on my tummy…luckiest dad in the world [7:10am]

“Feeling angry”…Just turned on the shower and the water supply was over for the day [7:30am]

“Feeling hungry”…[With a picture of the breakfast]:  Hot tea bread butter and aloo paratha for breakfast, couldn’t have been better..love u Bini..[7:45am]

“Feeling emotional”…Saying good bye to CA and DA…leaving for work!..Oh I will miss my kiddies L

“Feeling confused”   Why did I receive the stinker e-mail from my boss, I just poked the vendor on FB last night whom we have not paid since the past 5 years [9:30am]

“Feeling upset” Got demoted from Assistant Manager to Sales Executive. 5^th demotion in 5 years..God..Why Me? [11:00am]

“Feeling bored”  All that colleagues talk about is work, work and work? Who talks about work in office? [12:00pm]

“Feeling pained”   The client just said I am the biggest ass**** he has ever come across [1:00pm]

“Feeling silly”  Forgot the lunch box at home…wify will be annoyed..:-( [1:30pm]

“Feeling sleepy” Ate a lot of fried rice..was soooooooo yummy…Mainland China Rocks…Now feeling sleepy, so much work to do…Gooooooodddddddd! [2:30pm]

“Feeling nostalgic”  Ex colleague Rajesh just called….old memories back! Was so pleased to know that they still call me tortoise J J J J [3:30pm]

“Feeling refreshed” Just had 3 cups of masala tea…best masala tea ever! Ramu Kaka of my office rocks” [4:30pm]

“Feeling worried” Boss just called me into his cabin…seems I have goofed up again…please pray for me…Thank you all for all your support. [4:45pm]

“Feeling blessed” Boss just called me “the laziest dog of the word”, did not throw me out of his cabin like last time…lucky me! [5:00pm]

“Feeling positive”   Got 3 FB likes on my previous status updates. J J J J [5:05pm]

“Feeling awesome” Done for the day.. On my way back Home…so excited to play hide and seek with CA and DA!!

“Feeling alone”  In train..it is so lonely to stand on the train door and getting pinched and poked for one good hour from Churchgate to Borilvili. 6:00pm

“Feeling wonderful” Back home finally…Binny smiled at me and handed me hot pakoras :-) 7:00pm

“Feeling fantastic”  CA and DA back from classes. Will play hide and seek..children time 8:00pm

“Feeling angry”  No cable connection. Cannot see the 9:00pm news. So Frustrating. So dejected [So dejected]

“Feeling thoughtful”   Don’t know why 10 of my friends blocked me from Facebook today. [10:00pm]

“Feeling hungry” Dinner time…wify cooked dal..rice and sabzi….how unique…my wifey the best [10:30pm]

“Feeling tired” Ate a lot..dam sleepy..dunno why [11:00pm]

“Feeling sleepy”  Had a long day today….good night friends [11:30pm]

Mind you, the above status updates did not suffice. These kinds of updates typically constituted the most important status updates. In between these status updates, there were at least 100 small and big updates. As regards, check—ins and photo uploads, the less said the better! AA’s mobile upload was a curse to his Facebook friends. This is for the simple reason that he continuously clicked and uploaded pictures of anything and everything under the sun. Right from the good morning look of his wife and kids, to the photo of breakfast, lunch and dinner, good bye and welcome back photo of himself with his kids to pictures of stray dog, crowded trains, overflowing dustbins, vegetable vendors, liftman in the office building, watchman of office, office colleagues, office chai, office snacks, angry boss, happy boss, upset boss, angry client, happy client, upset client, zerox machine, pen, paper, office laptop, picture of him being engrossed in work, picture of him whiling time at work, picture of him sipping tea and picture of him entering and exiting office loo! These were routine picture updates. Any and every feature of face book, right from poking to playing candy crush, to playing animal farm to likes were used, abused, overused and  misused by him with unbridled devotion.

Little did Ashwin realize that the God of his life would turn his life around in ways he might not have thought off! Facebook, it seems, teaches you the art of indiscretion. You fail to realize the importance of privacy.  It only seems natural for you to reveal things and feelings that you may have not thought of making public under normal circumstances.  Even a normal, person, at times, fail to contemplate the consequences of “bare it all” on the virtual platform. In case of grandiose narcissist like Ashwin, Facebook succeed in completely undermining the importance of discretion and confidentiality in his life, be it personal or professional!  To Ashwin, posting his feeling on Facebook was as good as an exercise in self-reflection in which he spoke with himself in his head. Unbridled obsession with the virtual world had washed away the dividing line, if any, between what was supposed to be personal and what could be made public.   History was about to witness one of the most wacky incident in the life of Ashwin Almeda!

On 5^th February, 2015, Ashwin started off his day with his usual Facebook posts, photos and status updates.  He entered office in an unusually bright and sunny mood! After all, he had received 6 likes to the status of “Awesome makeout session with wife last night…Feeling tired.”  He airily entered into his office and settled himself in front of his laptop, flicked upon his cell phone, opened his Facebook page, took the snap of his laptop and immediately uploaded it. Thereafter he updated his status “About to read office e-mails” and clicked on the first e-mail in the inbox.  The e-mail was from his boss, Vikas Mehra, the VP- Sales of the construction division.  Mr. Mehra had sent Ashwin the price quotes they were going to propose to win the bid of a very high value contract. It was extremely important for Mr. Mehra to win this contract so as to ensure that he remained ahead of his peers. He had marked the e-mail “High Importance” and had written in the subject line “Highly Confidential” For the first time in 5 years, Ashwin got such e-mail. Mr. Mehra had ensured, over the course of Ashwin’s employment in “MOA Steels and Construction” NOT to involve Ashwin in any of the high value projects! Ashwin felt that he had finally won Mr. Mehra’s trust and confidence! No wonder Mr. Mehra entrusted him with such an important task. Little did Ashwin know that Mr. Mehra had no choice on account of his favourite employee, Rakesh, who was Ashwin’s sworn enemy and whom Ashwin had BLOCKED on Facebook in order to settle scores, was on leave!  As a creature of habit, and out of importance,  Ashwin immediately updated his status: “Feeling Excited…Boss sent me an e-mail marked ‘High Importance and Highly Confidential”…shows that the ice has finally been broken! I respect you boss! Shall prove myself”  Ashwin then commenced reading his e-mail and his eyeball increased in diameter and appeared like saucer in excitement after he realized that the e-mail set out the highly confidential bid price proposed to be quoted in the tender documents that were to go out today.  He thought to himself, “100 likes guaranteed by my ex-colleagues who are also participating in the tender process” He immediately pulled out his cell, opened his Facebook page and updated the status.  “Feeling awesome! My company is quoting the rate of INR 750 Million for the turnkey project in the tender floated by the Govt. of Mauritius for the construction of high end bridge. Sure to win the bid! J J J”   As soon as Ashwin updated this status, he got 10 likes in 5 seconds.  On the top of it, Ashwin got 15 comments of “Thank you yaar…you are really awesome” from his ex-colleague who happened to be in similar line of business.  Ashwin’s joy knew no bounds! He started jumping with excitement! He immediately took a selfie posing a straight face while staring at his laptop and uploaded it on FB.  No sooner did he upload his FB page, his landline and phone started ringing simultaneously. He took a snap of the ringing phone, uploaded a new status of “Feeling irritated…ringing phone disturbs my mood” and answered the phone. His boss barked at the other end of the line and immediately summoned him in the conference cabin.  Ashwin couldn’t figure out the reason for Mr. Mehra’s irritated voice. Ashwin thought that probably Mr. Mehra was upset as he did not “tag” Mr. Mehra in the price quote status that he updated a short while ago. He immediately went to the price quote status and tagged Mr. Mehra on the status. Ashwin was about to take a selfie standing outside Mr. Mehra’s cabin when Mr. Mehra opened the door and held Ashwin by the collar. On account of this the selfie captured Mr. Mehra’s growling face and Ashwin’s scared face! As a matter of habit, before Mr. Mehra could snatch Ashwin’s phone, Ashwin uploaded the snap on FB with the status “Feeling anxious…Boss Angry…God Save Me.”  Simultaneously Ashwin tagged Mr. Mehra in his latest status.  Mr. Mehra saw the notification and read Ashwin’s status.  Mr. Mehra sunk into a state of despondency and started bawling like a baby. Ashwin pulled out his cell phone and immediately clicked a couple of snaps of Mr. Mehra crying loudly while regretting his decision to hire Ashwin at the first place! Ashwin uploaded the pics of his crying boss and wrote the status “Feeling Sad…Boss crying on account of regretting that he held my collar and over reacted as I failed to tag him in my price quote status” The whole office surrounded Ashwin and his crying boss. Ashwin gave his phone to his colleague and asked him to take a snap in which he should be seen consoling Mr. Mehra. Mr. Mehra just folded his hand, caught Ashwin by his leg and begged him to leave. The colleague immediately took this snap and uploaded it from Ashwin’s mobile on his FB page. 

On being asked by the colleague what status should he write, Ashwin replied, “Write..”Feeling confused…why is boss being so apologetic”  and please tag Mr. Mehra.  On hearing this Mr. Mehra fainted! Ashwin took 6 to 7 pics of Mr. Mehra in the fainted pose and was about to upload it but couldn’t as he was in a state of shock when he read his wife Bina’s status message that she had posted half an hour ago “Feeling excited….Ashwin just left, now my ex-boyfriend Pratik is on his way to my house…can’t just wait to see him all over again..my first love” Ashwin lost it! He was furious! He was seething. He updated his status message “Feeling angry…it seems my wife is cheating on me” Ashwin was about to call his wife when he saw the second status message from his wife and fainted. His colleague, Prakash read Bina’s status message “Feeling loved….just had a make out session with Pratik” and sent Ashwin in the same hospital where they sent Mr. Mehra a short while ago.  Mr. Mehra and Ashwin were placed on adjacent beds.  The doctor, Mr. Chopra asked the nurse what was wrong. Upon being informed about the whole incident, the doctor pulled out his cell, took a selfie with Mr. Mehra and Ashwin and uploaded the selfie with the status message “100^th case of Facebookaria”  History realized that the most interesting chapter has just started in her life, thanks to the epidemic of Facebookaria”

                                                                                                                                    

Humbled :-)

God teaches you lessons in the art and science of humility in weirdest of ways! Just when you are under an ego-driven notion of being “self-sufficient” and “self-reliant”; the mischief maker in God, it seems, jumps out of nowhere and pulls the carpet of ego from under your feet to trip you off-balance! I am certain that the events that transpired this Monday were played out by destiny to hammer the message in my Bong brains that I could also be at the receiving end in the world of favours! Hold on! Please do not presume that I will narrate a series of heavy and gory incidences and events straight out of a tragic novel in which I am the egomaniacal villain Gabbar Singh who is humbled by the handicapped Thakur! Calm down! God is not so cruel to me after all!  God, it seems, uses the sword of humour to stab the Bong ego :-( 

Well, now let me tell you what really happened on this crazy Monday!

Not that I expected Monday morning to be particularly exciting; yet I did not anticipate Monday to be so maddening while going off to sleep on Sunday night!  When I woke up on Monday morning, I did not anticipate that I was about to take a roller coaster ride into the world of my little tragedies and consequent favours. This is how it all started! As usual, despite putting my best foot forward in waking up on time; despite  going off to sleep at 10:00pm on Sunday, despite  setting up an alarm of 5:30am that snoozed after every 10 minutes, I woke up at 8:30am consequently ensuring that I would be super late for work!  Being highly superstitious about starting my day on a positive note, I repeatedly indulged in the self-talk to calm my-self down, that I could still reach office on time, if only I manage to get ready and get going in 30 minutes! Hell no! That was not meant to be! I just grabbed my cell phone to check the FB/Twitter/Mail updates, (A morning activity which itself ensures that I while half an hour at least), I got a call from my maid that she would not come on account of heavy rains! I peered out of the window and told her in an accusing tone “But it isn’t raining here in Andheri West, please do not lie”, to which she immediately retorted, “But it is raining heavily in Andheri East, come and check…” and disconnected the call! I was flabbergasted! What the heck! How could she be so cruel! 

Ask any working women how she fees in case her maid does not turn up on a MONDAY morning! YES! MONDAY MORNING! It is the tragedy of the highest proportion for any woman in general and a working woman in particular! Any man who wants to settle scores with his wife should ask his housemaid to take a leave on Monday morning!  All that the aggrieved man needs to do is to look at his wife’s face when she figures out that the maid won’t turn up! The expression on his wife’s face would be God’s answer to all the tortures that he may have suffered at his wife’s behest! To my aggrieved mind, it appeared that my husband would have asked the maid not to come! But that poor creature was still sleeping and not staring at my aggrieved face! I knew that my imagination had got into the driver’s seat and was about to speed off in full glory!

Holding the reins of my imagination, I woke up my husband who was sleeping like a baby and asked him to help me with cleaning the house! My husband, having made a pact with mess, informed me in sleepy voice that the world would not come to an end in case we allow the house to remain messy on Monday! I was stricken when the realization dawned on me that my husband fully forgot my love for cleanness in semi-conscious state! In my esteemed opinion, this was adultery! Forgetting your wife’s likes and dislikes is far worse than cheating on her! I lost my temper and yelled at the poor creature who had no intention to get out of bed! He woke up with a start and started staring at me like a frightened puppy! Looking at his frightened face, I regained my composure and requested him to pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee help me with cleaning the house! I never imagined that I would be compelled to start my day by using the word “please” and end my day by thanking every one that I would come across in the course of the day! I supervised at regular intervals when my husband was mopping the floor while I was cleaning the utensils! He glared at me a couple of times while mopping the floor. I glared back and continued cleaning the utensils hastily. After I was done with, I inspected the rooms to ensure that my husband had cleaned the rooms to my satisfaction. After having grudgingly conceded to myself that he indeed was good at mopping,  I thanked him profusely to which he gruffly replied “Hmm” and went off to sleep again!   I thereafter got ready in a state of daze as I was already running late by 1.5 hours for my work. Not that it was something new, but on this particular day, I atleast had the chance to affix blame on circumstances and not on my habit of whiling time early in the morning by reading novels and self-help books :-)

I jumped into the first auto I saw on the road without bothering to check whether he was ready to ply me till my office! The Rickshwala gave me a stern look and asked me to get down. I returned the stern look and warned him that I had noted his number and that I woul lodge a complaint against him if he refusd to drive me to my office! Having left with no other option, he grudgingly turned on the ignition and started off! I thereafter started off my morning ritual of dialling my mother in order to have my early morning gossip session! So lost was I in my gossip session that the Rickshwala had to honk loudly when we neared our office. While gossiping with my mother at the time of getting off the rickshaw, I completely forgot that I was supposed to pay the fare! When I started walking towards my office while happily chatting with my mother, the Rickshwala jumped out of the Rickshaw and blocked my way and said, “At least have the decency to pay my fare. Look at women these days; they are out there to cheat us poor rickshwalas.”  While he was ranting out loudly, my colleague who was passing overheard the ravings and ranting of the Rickshwala and gave me a cynical look of “Look at this cheap woman!”  I went numb out of embarrassment and hastily started searching for my wallet! After having searched for my wallet, I realized that I forgot to keep my wallet in my handbag!  I looked at the Rickshwala and then in my handbag. I again looked at him and then the handbag and yelped out of panic! The Rickshwala had his moment of glory now! He figured out now was the time to settle score for having forced him to drive me to my office. He said, “I knew, you never wanted to pay. Don’t make excuses. I will lodge police complaint against you. You are a cheat and fraud. You want to rob me off my money” My head started spinning! Cheat and Fraud! I never anticipated that somebody would levy allegations against me for a paltry sum of 70 Rs! I told him, “Hold on hold on, and please calm down. I will pay you your money with interest! Don’t worry! I immediately called the same colleague who gave me the “Cheap Woman” look and asked him to lend me 70 Rupees! My colleague came down and walked towards me with a swollen chest as if he was a king walking in a village where people were throwing fresh flowers to welcome him! It was my colleague’s moment of glory now! He looked at me and then smugly gave a 100 Rupees note in my hand and left after saying, “Keep the Change”!  I felt like tearing off the 100 Rupees note but immediately realized that the Rickshwala would have lodged a complaint against me if I did not hand him the money! In the wretched and confused state, I immediately handed over the 100 rupees note to the Rickshwala and fled off after shouting at him, “Keep the change”

After entering office and after ignoring the teasing glances of all my colleagues who were by now aware of my spat with the Rickshwala thanks to the exaggerated narration, that, I must admit, was entirely true about the incident by my big mouthed colleague who loaned Rs. 100 to me; I walked upto my work station and settled myself.  After having settled myself, I switched on my laptop and noticed the red light low battery status! I immediately started searching for my battery and the realisation dawned on me that I forgot the charger at home! I thought I would break down! I 

Would the saga of seeking favours ever end today? It appeared highly unlikely! I feared what was in store for me today! I meekly asked my colleague to lend his charger to me for a while! He gave me an amused look and handed over the charger! I tried focusing on my work and just said a small prayer to ensure that the day would pass of smoothly! But God, having decided to inject small doses of humility in me, it seems, had other plan! I got a call from my cousin just when we were about to break for lunch. I went to the cafeteria while chatting with her and was simultaneously engrossed in the ritual of emptying my tiffin content in the microwave plate to warm my food and place it in the microwave. So lost was I in my conversation that I fully failed to notice the burning smell from the microwave. Suddenly, I notice 20 pair of eyes staring at me and then the microwave. I panicked as it stuck me that something was burning! I immediately opened the microwave and discovered that I had burnt the rotis! It turned black like charcoal and the smell of burnt ash wafted in the cafeteria! Some people started laughing under their breath. I felt like running away! What was happening! When I sat for lunch with the burnt rotis, all my colleagues took one roti each out of their tiffin and placed it in my plate. One more favour for the day!!! I hurriedly ate lunch and tried getting out of the cafeteria. In my haste, I twisted my toe and banged myself off the cafeteria door and fell down! This was freaky! I sprained my leg and was unable to get up! Two of my colleagues came running towards me and helped me get up and took me to my work station. Another favour in line! People were raining favours on me left, right and centre! Throughout the day, I sought my colleagues’ assistance in getting up and walking whenever I had the need to on account of sprained leg! Seeking favour while going up till the Xerox machine; seeking favour while walking up to the meeting room, seeking favour while coming back to the work station, and seeking favour while wanting to use the loo on account of needing someone’s support while walking!

While leaving for the day, like a fool, I failed to remember that I did not carry wallet and forgot to again ask my colleague to lend me money again! When I reached my house in the evening, it dawned on me that I had forgotten my wallet and even skipped taking money from my colleague. The watchman of my building saw my plight and came forward to pay the rickshwalas fare! So, I ensured that I took favour from the watchman of my building as well!

At the end of the day I realized that I needed favours from every single person I met on this particular day! Right from my husband, to the Rickshwala, to my colleagues, to my building watchman! The idea of being self-reliant and self-dependent fell off like a pack of cards L I was humbled! I realized that the God of humility was smiling at me.  I guess he succeeded in driving home the point! The palace of ego crumbled on the grounds of humility!  I permanently lay to rest, the fickle idea of being self-reliant and self-sufficient!