Awkward Moments

I now have strong reason to conclude that one must never follow one’s husband’s advice.  On the contrary, one must out rightly discard and throw out of the window any and all piece of advice, opinion, and request when it comes from the husband and do exactly the opposite of what the husband pushes you to do.  You think I am exaggerating?  Let me tell you one small anecdote.

My dear husband Hiren asked me to go shopping with him last week.  As much as I hate shopping, I obliged him for the simple reason that his current shoe looked like the “Charan Paduka” of some bygone era and I was very keen to ensure that he got rid of it.  

 My dear husband, to my general displeasure and embarrassment, is gifted with a complicated trait of innocence coupled with childish over confidence.  The dear man is very boisterous and bubbly generally and reaches cloud 9 altogether when he sees a lot of shoes. His excitement for shoes makes me feel that he was a cobbler in previous birth.  Nevertheless, coming back to the incidence, for some strange reason, (may be out of emotional connection to place) of all the places in the world, we decided to shop form the Bata show room in Borivili West.  To begin with, the crowd at the showroom appalled me for there was no place to get in on account of the shop being overcrowded due to monsoon season sale.  

But my dear husband, having decided that he would fulfil my wish of replacing his old ragged shoe, completely discarded my current state of mind and dragged me into the show room like a happy child.  We somehow pushed and shoved and reached the 1^st floor of the show room.  The dear husband happily started checking out the shoes while I tried making room for myself and simultaneously pushing all the scary thoughts of being crushed in the stampede.

All of a sudden my dear husband nudged me with his elbow and pointed towards a man who was also checking out shoes.  For the ease of reference, let us call that man as “Roxy”.  He then asked me to go call Roxy.  I was startled and on high alert.  Being completely aware of the tendency of my dear husband of making friends at the strangest of hour, I asked him why he was interested in striking conversation with this random Roxy in this godforsaken place and that he would have ample opportunity to befriend people later.  The dear husband gave me a patronising look and told me that Roxy was a sales man and that the only reason why he asked me to call Roxy was because he wanted further details about the shoes. 

I asked the dear husband how was he so sure that Roxy was the sales person. The explanation that my dear husband gave made me a new insight of his analytical skills.  He looked at me and then looked at the shoes and happily declared “Look Esha, it is obvious that he is a sales man. He is wearing a earning and intently looking at the shoes. Also, look how he seems to be explaining the characteristic of the shoes to those around him.  You Bengalis are so poor in figuring thing out.  Is in not a matter of common sense that the (a) earrings in his ears; (b) his keen observation of the shoes; and him being surrounded with lades makes him nothing but a sales man?”

I was baffled with his logic but somehow his over confidence impressed upon me and I decided to take a chance with Roxy.  I approached Roxy, patted him on his back and immediately asked him to explain and give all the details of the shoe that the husband was holding.  The husband saw me talking to Roxy from a distance and raised the shoe in his hand so that Roxy could see and figure out which shoe was I talking about. 

To my surprise and embarrassment, Roxy glared at me and asked me, “What makes you think I am the sales person? Don’t you have common sense” I was stumped. Like a fool I blabbered “What What What? Are you really not a sales man?”  He said nothing, and glared at me cruelly and walked away. I guess I heard him muttering “What a lousy woman”.   It was one of the most awkward moment of my life. His statement immensely pained my bong ego.  I angrily turned around and glared back at my dear Husband. My dear husband, in turn, glared at the shoes for some strange reason as if the shoe was responsible for his lot!

I went back to dear husband and hissed, “I made a fool of myself thanks to your brilliant analysis about the sales person”.    As usual, so scared was my dear husband of my wrath that he immediately dropped the shoe and dragged me out with him out of the shoe store for he was scared that I would hit him with the same shoe.  While leaving the mall, when we turned around and looked at the glass window of the shop, we could see ten different men in red t-shirt catering to various customers. We looked at each other and burst out laughing. J

I dragged the dear husband back into the mall so that he could buy the shoes that he liked with a firm resolution that never again in my life will I ever heed his advice regarding the potential professional role of any person. 

In retrospect, I cursed Roxy for there was no need for him to get so offended on being misunderstood as a sales man.  I mean is there not such a thing called as the “dignity of labour”?  I am sure he might be some spoilt Gujju brat of Borivili West.

Anyways, a clear message of all the ladies, please be careful before you heed your husband’s advice. J i

Awkward Moments

I now have strong reason to conclude that one must never follow one’s husband’s advice.  On the contrary, one must out rightly discard and throw out of the window any and all piece of advice, opinion, and request when it comes from the husband and do exactly the opposite of what the husband pushes you to do.  You think I am exaggerating?  Let me tell you one small anecdote.

My dear husband Hiren asked me to go shopping with him last week.  As much as I hate shopping, I obliged him for the simple reason that his current shoe looked like the “Charan Paduka” of some bygone era and I was very keen to ensure that he got rid of it.  

 My dear husband, to my general displeasure and embarrassment, is gifted with a complicated trait of innocence coupled with childish over confidence.  The dear man is very boisterous and bubbly generally and reaches cloud 9 altogether when he sees a lot of shoes. His excitement for shoes makes me feel that he was a cobbler in previous birth.  Nevertheless, coming back to the incidence, for some strange reason, (may be out of emotional connection to place) of all the places in the world, we decided to shop form the Bata show room in Borivili West.  To begin with, the crowd at the showroom appalled me for there was no place to get in on account of the shop being overcrowded due to monsoon season sale.  

But my dear husband, having decided that he would fulfil my wish of replacing his old ragged shoe, completely discarded my current state of mind and dragged me into the show room like a happy child.  We somehow pushed and shoved and reached the 1^st floor of the show room.  The dear husband happily started checking out the shoes while I tried making room for myself and simultaneously pushing all the scary thoughts of being crushed in the stampede.

All of a sudden my dear husband nudged me with his elbow and pointed towards a man who was also checking out shoes.  For the ease of reference, let us call that man as “Roxy”.  He then asked me to go call Roxy.  I was startled and on high alert.  Being completely aware of the tendency of my dear husband of making friends at the strangest of hour, I asked him why he was interested in striking conversation with this random Roxy in this godforsaken place and that he would have ample opportunity to befriend people later.  The dear husband gave me a patronising look and told me that Roxy was a sales man and that the only reason why he asked me to call Roxy was because he wanted further details about the shoes. 

I asked the dear husband how was he so sure that Roxy was the sales person. The explanation that my dear husband gave made me a new insight of his analytical skills.  He looked at me and then looked at the shoes and happily declared “Look Esha, it is obvious that he is a sales man. He is wearing a earning and intently looking at the shoes. Also, look how he seems to be explaining the characteristic of the shoes to those around him.  You Bengalis are so poor in figuring thing out.  Is in not a matter of common sense that the (a) earrings in his ears; (b) his keen observation of the shoes; and him being surrounded with lades makes him nothing but a sales man?”

I was baffled with his logic but somehow his over confidence impressed upon me and I decided to take a chance with Roxy.  I approached Roxy, patted him on his back and immediately asked him to explain and give all the details of the shoe that the husband was holding.  The husband saw me talking to Roxy from a distance and raised the shoe in his hand so that Roxy could see and figure out which shoe was I talking about. 

To my surprise and embarrassment, Roxy glared at me and asked me, “What makes you think I am the sales person? Don’t you have common sense” I was stumped. Like a fool I blabbered “What What What? Are you really not a sales man?”  He said nothing, and glared at me cruelly and walked away. I guess I heard him muttering “What a lousy woman”.   It was one of the most awkward moment of my life. His statement immensely pained my bong ego.  I angrily turned around and glared back at my dear Husband. My dear husband, in turn, glared at the shoes for some strange reason as if the shoe was responsible for his lot!

I went back to dear husband and hissed, “I made a fool of myself thanks to your brilliant analysis about the sales person”.    As usual, so scared was my dear husband of my wrath that he immediately dropped the shoe and dragged me out with him out of the shoe store for he was scared that I would hit him with the same shoe.  While leaving the mall, when we turned around and looked at the glass window of the shop, we could see ten different men in red t-shirt catering to various customers. We looked at each other and burst out laughing. J

I dragged the dear husband back into the mall so that he could buy the shoes that he liked with a firm resolution that never again in my life will I ever heed his advice regarding the potential professional role of any person. 

In retrospect, I cursed Roxy for there was no need for him to get so offended on being misunderstood as a sales man.  I mean is there not such a thing called as the “dignity of labour”?  I am sure he might be some spoilt Gujju brat of Borivili West.

Anyways, a clear message of all the ladies, please be careful before you heed your husband’s advice. J i

From 24 to 30 and Beyond!

When I converse with people who belong to the age bracket of 18 to 24 years; it appears to me that we come from different planets altogether! I have heard about the book, “Men are from Mars-Women are from Venus”.  I now sincerely feel that the time is ripe to write a sequel, “18 to 24 years old are from Mercury whereas the 30+ year’s lot are from Pluto”!  How does life alter so fundamentally within a span of less than a decade? Why am I plagued with a feeling that we are different species altogether? Am I losing my sense of empathy? 

Why do I feel as if I never really was a 24 year old and was always beset with the same set of issues that typically plagues a 30 year old! You don’t even realize how EMI issue becomes more serious than boyfriend issue? It appears as if in a blink of an eye, the problem of buying a house at the age of 30 is certainly far more complicated than the problem of finding a decent well-paying job at the age of 24! What is more difficult? The challenges of starting a family at the age of 30 or the burden of kick starting your career at the age of 24?

In the age gap of 18 to 24, the question of “What next?” doesn’t bother you for the simple reason that the agenda is categorically chalked out for you by your friends and family in the form of a fixed 5 year plan! You literally have a list to cross! Complete your studies-Check! Find a job-Check! Find a decent set of people to socialize-Check! Find a mate to settle down-Check! You are so busy checking the check list to which you attach so much of importance that you end up presuming that your check list has pushed you into the most challenging phase of life.  What could be more challenging than the task of burning mid-night oil in the race of clearing your exams after exams for eventually obtaining your divine degree that would act as a magical key that would open the lock of your destiny and let you in the house of rocking career and financial stability? What would be more painful than the bleeding heart which is forced to tread across the treacherous path of broken relationships? Is there anything more taxing than the unending attempts of finding just the right kind of job that would act as the best launching pad?

Just when you are busy crossing the milestones from 18 to 24 after silently patting yourself on the back for having checked all the items in the “To do list”; you are hardly ready for what lays in store ahead! You have no idea that your time-travelled self has zoomed past into the future and is standing at the gate with a sign of “Welcome to the real world-Your journey has just began, please tighten the seat belt of responsibility and courage, for you are about to take the journey of never ending expectations, both internal and external!”  The feeling of growing up all of a sudden and being solely accountable for all your deeds and actions is scary indeed! In retrospect, you start thinking, what was I fretting and fuming for? Was getting the degree really that difficult? Why on earth was I making a big deal of my broken relationships? Am I not tackling far bigger challenges now? How stupid and naïve was I! How I blew things out of proportion! How I made a big deal out of every little thing which did not really mattered in the long run!

This thought process now sets me thinking. In retrospect, if I find the typical problems of a 24 year old as are less complicated in comparison to what plagues a 30 year old; will I belittle the problems that I face now when I turn 40? At the age of 40, in retrospect, will I reach a conclusion that all my worries were uncalled for? That the issues besetting me at 30 were non-issues really? That I shouldn't have made a big deal out of it?  How I wish I could time travel backwards and comfort my former self that it was pointless to be anxious, that it was meaningless to magnify problems’ that this was just a phase which would get over!

I cannot take a backward journey in time but at this juncture, especially when I am conscious of the fact that my current issues would lose its value and gravity over the course of the next decade, I can certainly decide to relax, to let go off, to calm down as nothing really matters in the larger schemes of things other than peace of mind. And is this realization not what growing up all about?

And if you fail to realize this, you shall forever be stuck at 24! The choice is yours!

Random Rambling in the mysterious zone of heart

Two things are the biggest levellers (a) Death; and (b) True Love.  Death does not differentiate between the rich and poor, the wise and fool, the beautiful and ugly; so does true love! It simply doesn't differentiate!

Is the constant barrage of memory from the near and distant past a sign of unrequited love? Is there any healing for the wounds inflicted by the unanswered calls of heart? Or does it leave a permanent scar on one’s soul; so deep and so raw as if it were inflicted in the very moment.

What is the quality of true love? Does true love make you protective about your lover? I believe true love, in all shape and form; always have some degree of maternal qualities.

Does absolute, pure, unalloyed, pure and pulsating love exist only within the time frame of split second? Or can it continue for as long as the human heart continues beating tirelessly?

What is selfless love? Is it a reality or figment of one’s imagination? Is it the most beautiful state of mind or the most unjust? Does loving someone selflessly necessarily entail getting sucked into a downward spiral of self-coercion or is it the only way to liberating one-self from self-destruction?

Love is rather a simple phenomenon, the expectations and the consequent illusion makes it complicated.

Does selfless love makes one wise in the matter of heart and unwise otherwise?

The most beautiful quality about love is that it adds so many beautiful colours to the otherwise dreary existence; which, in the absence of love and the longings of heart, would be nothing but a long and dark hell-hole!

If true love is the sign of wise heart, how many millenniums will it take for human race to attain wisdom?

Does love liberates or enslaves? Depends on how selfless it is!

ALIEN'S JOURNEY...FROM US TO INDIA ;-)

ALIEN SPACESHIP DESCENDS IN THE  UNITED STATES OF AMERICA; SEEMS THE WORLD IS IN DANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OVER CAUTIOUS AND EDGY AMERICANS ON HIGH ALERT AFTER WITNESSING THE SPACESHIP OF BLOOD THIRSTY ALIENS DESCENDING ON THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. AMERICA ON HIGH ALERT

ALIENS UNLEASH THE FIRST ROUND OF ATTACK ON THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

EMERGENCY MEETING OF US PRESIDENT AND US ARMY TO TACKLE THE ALIEN ATTACK!! AMERICAN ARMY SUGGESTS CONSULTATION WITH PAKISTAN

EMERGENCY MEETING BETWEEN OBAMA AND NAWAZ SHARIF TO DISCUSS THE ALIEN ATTACK. SHARIF SUGGESTS DIVERTING ALIENS TO INDIA!!!

US FBI AGENT MEETS THE ALIEN LEADER AND ALLURES HIM TO ATTACK INDIA

ALIENS DELIBERATE INTERNALLY AND DECIDE TO ATTACK INDIA!!

ALIENS START THEIR JOURNEY TOWARDS INDIA

AND THEN SOMETHING MAGICAL HAPPENS!!!

JADU FALLS FROM THE ALIEN SHIP AND MEETS ROHIT!! 

JADU FALLS IN LOVE WITH ROHIT :-)

INDIANS AND ALIENS LIVE HAPPILY EVERY AFTER :-) ;-)

OBAMA IN A STATE OF SHOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Humbled :-)

God teaches you lessons in the art and science of humility in weirdest of ways! Just when you are under an ego-driven notion of being “self-sufficient” and “self-reliant”; the mischief maker in God, it seems, jumps out of nowhere and pulls the carpet of ego from under your feet to trip you off-balance! I am certain that the events that transpired this Monday were played out by destiny to hammer the message in my Bong brains that I could also be at the receiving end in the world of favours! Hold on! Please do not presume that I will narrate a series of heavy and gory incidences and events straight out of a tragic novel in which I am the egomaniacal villain Gabbar Singh who is humbled by the handicapped Thakur! Calm down! God is not so cruel to me after all!  God, it seems, uses the sword of humour to stab the Bong ego :-( 

Well, now let me tell you what really happened on this crazy Monday!

Not that I expected Monday morning to be particularly exciting; yet I did not anticipate Monday to be so maddening while going off to sleep on Sunday night!  When I woke up on Monday morning, I did not anticipate that I was about to take a roller coaster ride into the world of my little tragedies and consequent favours. This is how it all started! As usual, despite putting my best foot forward in waking up on time; despite  going off to sleep at 10:00pm on Sunday, despite  setting up an alarm of 5:30am that snoozed after every 10 minutes, I woke up at 8:30am consequently ensuring that I would be super late for work!  Being highly superstitious about starting my day on a positive note, I repeatedly indulged in the self-talk to calm my-self down, that I could still reach office on time, if only I manage to get ready and get going in 30 minutes! Hell no! That was not meant to be! I just grabbed my cell phone to check the FB/Twitter/Mail updates, (A morning activity which itself ensures that I while half an hour at least), I got a call from my maid that she would not come on account of heavy rains! I peered out of the window and told her in an accusing tone “But it isn’t raining here in Andheri West, please do not lie”, to which she immediately retorted, “But it is raining heavily in Andheri East, come and check…” and disconnected the call! I was flabbergasted! What the heck! How could she be so cruel! 

Ask any working women how she fees in case her maid does not turn up on a MONDAY morning! YES! MONDAY MORNING! It is the tragedy of the highest proportion for any woman in general and a working woman in particular! Any man who wants to settle scores with his wife should ask his housemaid to take a leave on Monday morning!  All that the aggrieved man needs to do is to look at his wife’s face when she figures out that the maid won’t turn up! The expression on his wife’s face would be God’s answer to all the tortures that he may have suffered at his wife’s behest! To my aggrieved mind, it appeared that my husband would have asked the maid not to come! But that poor creature was still sleeping and not staring at my aggrieved face! I knew that my imagination had got into the driver’s seat and was about to speed off in full glory!

Holding the reins of my imagination, I woke up my husband who was sleeping like a baby and asked him to help me with cleaning the house! My husband, having made a pact with mess, informed me in sleepy voice that the world would not come to an end in case we allow the house to remain messy on Monday! I was stricken when the realization dawned on me that my husband fully forgot my love for cleanness in semi-conscious state! In my esteemed opinion, this was adultery! Forgetting your wife’s likes and dislikes is far worse than cheating on her! I lost my temper and yelled at the poor creature who had no intention to get out of bed! He woke up with a start and started staring at me like a frightened puppy! Looking at his frightened face, I regained my composure and requested him to pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee help me with cleaning the house! I never imagined that I would be compelled to start my day by using the word “please” and end my day by thanking every one that I would come across in the course of the day! I supervised at regular intervals when my husband was mopping the floor while I was cleaning the utensils! He glared at me a couple of times while mopping the floor. I glared back and continued cleaning the utensils hastily. After I was done with, I inspected the rooms to ensure that my husband had cleaned the rooms to my satisfaction. After having grudgingly conceded to myself that he indeed was good at mopping,  I thanked him profusely to which he gruffly replied “Hmm” and went off to sleep again!   I thereafter got ready in a state of daze as I was already running late by 1.5 hours for my work. Not that it was something new, but on this particular day, I atleast had the chance to affix blame on circumstances and not on my habit of whiling time early in the morning by reading novels and self-help books :-)

I jumped into the first auto I saw on the road without bothering to check whether he was ready to ply me till my office! The Rickshwala gave me a stern look and asked me to get down. I returned the stern look and warned him that I had noted his number and that I woul lodge a complaint against him if he refusd to drive me to my office! Having left with no other option, he grudgingly turned on the ignition and started off! I thereafter started off my morning ritual of dialling my mother in order to have my early morning gossip session! So lost was I in my gossip session that the Rickshwala had to honk loudly when we neared our office. While gossiping with my mother at the time of getting off the rickshaw, I completely forgot that I was supposed to pay the fare! When I started walking towards my office while happily chatting with my mother, the Rickshwala jumped out of the Rickshaw and blocked my way and said, “At least have the decency to pay my fare. Look at women these days; they are out there to cheat us poor rickshwalas.”  While he was ranting out loudly, my colleague who was passing overheard the ravings and ranting of the Rickshwala and gave me a cynical look of “Look at this cheap woman!”  I went numb out of embarrassment and hastily started searching for my wallet! After having searched for my wallet, I realized that I forgot to keep my wallet in my handbag!  I looked at the Rickshwala and then in my handbag. I again looked at him and then the handbag and yelped out of panic! The Rickshwala had his moment of glory now! He figured out now was the time to settle score for having forced him to drive me to my office. He said, “I knew, you never wanted to pay. Don’t make excuses. I will lodge police complaint against you. You are a cheat and fraud. You want to rob me off my money” My head started spinning! Cheat and Fraud! I never anticipated that somebody would levy allegations against me for a paltry sum of 70 Rs! I told him, “Hold on hold on, and please calm down. I will pay you your money with interest! Don’t worry! I immediately called the same colleague who gave me the “Cheap Woman” look and asked him to lend me 70 Rupees! My colleague came down and walked towards me with a swollen chest as if he was a king walking in a village where people were throwing fresh flowers to welcome him! It was my colleague’s moment of glory now! He looked at me and then smugly gave a 100 Rupees note in my hand and left after saying, “Keep the Change”!  I felt like tearing off the 100 Rupees note but immediately realized that the Rickshwala would have lodged a complaint against me if I did not hand him the money! In the wretched and confused state, I immediately handed over the 100 rupees note to the Rickshwala and fled off after shouting at him, “Keep the change”

After entering office and after ignoring the teasing glances of all my colleagues who were by now aware of my spat with the Rickshwala thanks to the exaggerated narration, that, I must admit, was entirely true about the incident by my big mouthed colleague who loaned Rs. 100 to me; I walked upto my work station and settled myself.  After having settled myself, I switched on my laptop and noticed the red light low battery status! I immediately started searching for my battery and the realisation dawned on me that I forgot the charger at home! I thought I would break down! I 

Would the saga of seeking favours ever end today? It appeared highly unlikely! I feared what was in store for me today! I meekly asked my colleague to lend his charger to me for a while! He gave me an amused look and handed over the charger! I tried focusing on my work and just said a small prayer to ensure that the day would pass of smoothly! But God, having decided to inject small doses of humility in me, it seems, had other plan! I got a call from my cousin just when we were about to break for lunch. I went to the cafeteria while chatting with her and was simultaneously engrossed in the ritual of emptying my tiffin content in the microwave plate to warm my food and place it in the microwave. So lost was I in my conversation that I fully failed to notice the burning smell from the microwave. Suddenly, I notice 20 pair of eyes staring at me and then the microwave. I panicked as it stuck me that something was burning! I immediately opened the microwave and discovered that I had burnt the rotis! It turned black like charcoal and the smell of burnt ash wafted in the cafeteria! Some people started laughing under their breath. I felt like running away! What was happening! When I sat for lunch with the burnt rotis, all my colleagues took one roti each out of their tiffin and placed it in my plate. One more favour for the day!!! I hurriedly ate lunch and tried getting out of the cafeteria. In my haste, I twisted my toe and banged myself off the cafeteria door and fell down! This was freaky! I sprained my leg and was unable to get up! Two of my colleagues came running towards me and helped me get up and took me to my work station. Another favour in line! People were raining favours on me left, right and centre! Throughout the day, I sought my colleagues’ assistance in getting up and walking whenever I had the need to on account of sprained leg! Seeking favour while going up till the Xerox machine; seeking favour while walking up to the meeting room, seeking favour while coming back to the work station, and seeking favour while wanting to use the loo on account of needing someone’s support while walking!

While leaving for the day, like a fool, I failed to remember that I did not carry wallet and forgot to again ask my colleague to lend me money again! When I reached my house in the evening, it dawned on me that I had forgotten my wallet and even skipped taking money from my colleague. The watchman of my building saw my plight and came forward to pay the rickshwalas fare! So, I ensured that I took favour from the watchman of my building as well!

At the end of the day I realized that I needed favours from every single person I met on this particular day! Right from my husband, to the Rickshwala, to my colleagues, to my building watchman! The idea of being self-reliant and self-dependent fell off like a pack of cards L I was humbled! I realized that the God of humility was smiling at me.  I guess he succeeded in driving home the point! The palace of ego crumbled on the grounds of humility!  I permanently lay to rest, the fickle idea of being self-reliant and self-sufficient!