It is said that God or
nature or destiny communicates with you through sings or symbols. The sign may be in the form of a completely
unplanned encounter. You might be in the middle of a seemingly stressful
situation not knowing what to do or say next. You might be in the middle of
mayhem and confusion. You might almost feel like a rudderless ship not knowing
which direction to take in the unending expanse of life. Just when you are about to start feeling
hopeless, you might come across a person or witness an event or find yourself
in a circumstances that might add an altogether fresh perspective to your life.
These people or event or circumstances might be unusually ordinary in
nature. However, if you have a keen
sense of awareness, you might just realise that the people or circumstances or
event were not as ordinary as they appeared to be. On the contrary, you
encounter them precisely at the right moment when you are supposed to take the
right lead and learn the right lesson!
This realization dawned on
me when while I was travelling from London to Manchester to catch a flight for
India. It was my first trip to UK. This trip to UK was disillusioning at many
levels. While I must admit that I do
have many wonderful memories of this short visit, yet, at a certain level I
realized that a lot of my assumptions about life in a western country were
unfounded. I was fundamentally disillusioned by the people in the sense that I
found them highly individualistic. I
found that the elders were often left to fend for themselves, that there was a
very strong sense of disconnect between people of different generations. The younger generation often ignored their
elderly counterparts as soon as they entered into their teens. A lot of new
parents often looked at their young kids as liabilities! On the surface, everything was very beautiful
with material comforts at its glorious best! However, scratch the surface and
the ugly face of self-centeredness projected itself in its full glory! On the
last day of my trip, while I was returning, I was almost feeling suffocated
with the self-centeredness. I once
harboured a dream of settling down in abroad. Before boarding the train for
Manchester, I almost concluded that my dream was formed on unfounded
presumptions about life being a replica of heaven being a combination of
material comforts and emotional security. I almost thanked providence for
allowing my life to run an alternate course. While these thoughts were running
at the back of my mind, I was simultaneously trying to locate my seat. I was
kind of disappointed that I did not get the window seat as I was really keen
not to miss the beautiful London country sight.
Just when I was about to
settle down on my seat, I heard a woman who boarded the train after me, calling
me randomly and informing that I could take any seat I liked as the train was
half empty. I turned around to check out
who this stranger was who was forthcoming with this good piece of information
and who was sounding so cheerful and lively early in the morning when the rest
of the passengers were in a typical UK “live me alone” mode. One look at her and I figured out she was an
Asian, though I was not sure of her origin, UK, in any event, being a collage
of different races of the world. This
lady once again flashed a broad smile at me and not only asked me to take a
window seat, but also a seat that had a sliding table and charging
facility. She appeared to be in a fully enthusiastic
and chirpy mode and seated herself bang opposite myself! Frankly, to start
with, as I wasn’t expecting anybody to talk to me, I was kind of confused when
she started conversing with me! This is something that very rarely happens in a
country like UK! She had a very sweet and disarming smile! She had a lot to
talk about! She had a lot to teach me! May be she was god sent for the simple
reason that she was one of the most selfless person that I encountered in my
trip and I must admit that she actually added a lot of fresh perspective to my
views about life in a western country.
To give you a brief snap
short of this lady, she was a Filipino who was settled in UK for more than a decade. Her name was Teresa Fernandes
and she worked as a chef in one of the restaurants in London.
Before starting the
conversation, she offered me her breakfast. This was even before knowing who I
was or where I was heading to! When I politely refused, she insisted once
again! When I refused again she frankly asked me whether I was scared of eating
anything offered by a stranger ;-). I
had to convince her that was not the case.
One thing that really impressed me about Teresa was the fact that she
considered herself as a very lucky and a blessed woman! Now, on the surface of
it, one would consider that she had all the reasons in the world to think that
way! But scratch the surface and you might find a different realty all
together! The reason why Teresa considered herself blessed was because she
believed on counting on her blessings rather than cribbing about the many ugly
faces that life showed her at various stages of her life!
When Teresa was 7 year old, back
in Philippines her father left her mother to marry another woman. Teresa’s mother had a very big family to
support as they were more than 7 to 8 siblings! Teresa’s mother did not have
the time and energy to sit back and cry as she had the responsibility to raise
her family single-handedly! She worked hard! Very hard indeed! She worked on the family farm and little Teresa helped her mother in the farms. Teresa informed
me that life in the farm was very difficult and laborious, to say the least!
However, she enjoyed farming and helping her mother! In order to improve her
family’s lot, Teresa decided to emigrate at the young of 14! She emigrated
thousands of miles away from her family and worked in an embassy in Greece! Post
working in Greece, she moved to France for a while and then finally to UK. Life certainly was not a bed of roses for her
as she not only had to establish herself in UK but also had the responsibility
to take care of her entire family in Philippines as she was the sole bread
winner now. She had an ailing mother to take care off; she was responsible for
ensuring that her young siblings get quality education. She had to get her
brothers married and settled off financially, get her house in Philippines
repaired and restored, buy new farms for her brothers and what not!
She did all this single handily!
And yet here she was, sitting opposite me, smiling and cheerful, without any
complain! She could have complained about a lot of things! She could have had
grudges against her father who left her in a lurch and never loved her! She
could have complained about not having been given the chance to complete her
education! She could have complained about all those men in her love life who
failed her and broke her heart and left her to fend for herself! She could have
complained about having to single handily bear the financial responsibilities of
such a large family! She could have complained about not having the chance to
get married and settled down! Yet here she was! A strong and cheerful woman!
Who was constantly considering herself as blessed for having a wonderful mother
who loved her unconditionally! For having given the chance to improve her lot
and the lot of her family by getting a stable job in London! For having given the
chance to help her siblings and see them progress in life! For have given the strength
to bear the loss of her two siblings! For having two nephews, who treated her
like their mothers, and called her “mummy”.
I asked her if she had any
regrets in life! She paused for a moment and said “Nopes”. She then said that the only regret that she
had was that she couldn’t become a mother. But her two nephews certainly were
like her very own children and she turned to them whenever she missed having a
child of her own!
Now this, in my view, is truly
beautiful woman! She is beautiful from within! This blog is a tribute to you
Terri! I just want you to know how wonderful you are as a person! Frankly, you
are a blessing to your family and everyone you meet for you teach us the virtue
of selflessness!
This sweet encounter was one
of the best things that happened to me in my trip to UK. It taught me that it
is not the country that makes you individualistic and self-centred! You can be
thousands of miles away from your family, in the middle of highly
individualistic crowd, and yet you may retain your selflessness! It is up to
you! You have the choice to make! The
choice to consider yourself as blessed by counting on the blessings of your
life or the choice to think of yourself as cursed by providence by always
focusing on what is wrong with your life!
Hope
you make the choice that Terri made! J
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